Why Shirt and Tie?

So why the shirt and tie? What does a shirt and tie have to do with anything? You don't see too many folks dressed in them these days. Sometimes you catch a glimpse of someone wearing them here and there. Walkin' on the street with a bluetooth in their ears. Drivin' in a Mercedes with two fingers on the wheel. Talkin' on the television with their hands gripping the podium. You know the type. The ones whose desired occupation in life requires them to look formal at every waking moment of the day. I personally don't see what's so formal about sitting in a cubicle all day, but hey, maybe cubicles are fancy places. What do I know. I ain't never been to one. 

For most of the population a shirt and tie is simply not all that necessary. If you're a regular chump like myself you probably only have one shirt and tie that you use for the very rare formal occasion. Prom, graduation, job interview, that one fancy dinner that you saved up for where they give you a super tiny cut of filet mignon and you end up not satisfied so you go to McDonald's afterwards but then you remember the old adage, "why eat with a clown when you can dine with a king" so you drive to the local Burger King that's open 24/7 and you walk inside and the graveyard staff are staring at you because seriously, who eats at a Burger King at 3:00am in a shirt and tie? 

Since these formal moments are few and fare between a shirt and tie is simply not required for daily use. Especially in the outdoors. Wool, nylon, polyester, t-shirts, tank tops, booty shorts, trail runners, yoga pants, sunglasses, synthetic hat, fanny pack, and some big ol' boots seem to be the chosen garments when trekking through the wilds. 

However, there is a moment that requires special attention. When embarking upon a momentous journey—one that will inspire future endeavors, one that demands respect, one that commands a certain type of attitude in order to pursue it—a shirt and tie is the necessary attire. No matter the journey, urban or rural, indoors or out, if its special then you just gotta wear that dang shirt and tie. You could be climbing a mountain. Walking through the woods. Visiting a waterfall. Wandering through the desert. Performing a one time show with your good buddies under the moniker "The Step-Dads" where one raps until he is out of breath, the other plays the didgeridoo, and the rest dance until they can dance no more. A shirt and tie adventure, much like the wearing of a shirt and tie, is a rare occasion that occurs once in a blue moon. When it does happen, the memories are sure to last. Plus we look good while doin' it!

Two years and one month ago marked the first occasion where I decided to pursue a shirt and tie adventure in the outdoors. I had heard about a place where there existed many small talus caves. Hardly knowing anything about the area, I called up a friend to join me for this historic experience.  

I will not give away the exact location of these caves. They are not labeled on any map or named on any website. All I will say is that they are located somewhere in Ventura County on a fairly popular trail. If you do a little digging I'm sure you'll be able to figure out where they are. We began early on the morning of February 3rd, 2020, climbing up to the summit of a blustery mountain. Hardly anyone was on the trail at this time of day. After hiking about four miles we finally made it to the location of the caves.

Shirt and Tie. The classiest hiking attire.

After maneuvering our way through some chest high brush we entered into the first cave. With walls 20ft high and multiple openings that let in the morning light this first cave was absolutely gorgeous. Our footsteps echoed off the walls of the massive room, guarded from the outside by gargantuan stones resting on top and beside one another. From the main chamber were several offshoots, some big, some small, and some only passable to small rodents and bats. Our day was set. We decided we would explore every nook and cranny that this area had to offer.

Inside the luminous main chamber

One of the sky lights of main chamber

After discovering that many of the offshoots led to dead ends or back to the outside world we finally found one that only went in one direction: down. This was going to be fun. We brought out the headlamps and began crawling our way down the increasingly constricting passage. Once we reached the end of the passage we noticed a small opening at the bottom of the left wall. It was probably 3ft long and less than a 1ft tall. Curious, I squeezed on through it to see if there was anything of interest in the other side. Thank God there was. We discovered a whole new chamber, albeit smaller and darker, just waiting to be explored.

Entrance to the second chamber

After following this chamber for about 30ft it finally spit us back out into the open air. From here travel became much more spontaneous. Caves and gullies and slots and crevices galore. We just pointed and went, jumping from one cool spot to the next. We scrambled up over boulders. We down climbed into narrow slot canyons. We were just like two kids on a new playground trying out every play structure we could find. The place was a scramblers paradise. Imagine Piedra Blanca, but with grittier rock and ubiquitous caves. It's a remarkable place. Truly worth the visit if you can find it. 

A hole in the rocks usually led to more caves

Slot Canyon

A small cave. Where could it go?

We killed a good 2 hours or so just exploring the general vicinity. The day so far had been absolutely spectacular. Little did we know that it would reach legendary status. All of the caves that we had explored so far had been fairly small, extending horizontally for 40ft at the most. None of them had descended into the earth a considerable ways. That was expected. Talus caves are formed by rocks just stacked on one another. Here in Ventura County, at least to my knowledge, we don't have any caves that extend for hundreds of feet into the ground. We've got nothing like Crystal Cave up in Sequoia National Park or Mammoth Cave out in Kentucky or the Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico. The caves here are either talus or windblown, usually existing only on the surface. 

So when we stumbled upon a small entrance to another little cave we thought nothing of it. We were expecting it to peter out into a dead end like all the others. Boy were we wrong. This thing kept on going. And going. And going. It never seemed to end. Once we made our way through the main entrance we noticed that this thing instantly descended a good 15 to 20ft. Holy cow! It couldn't possibly get deeper than that could it?

The cave drops down 15-20ft just left of where I'm crouching

Venturing into the abyss

After reaching the bottom of this first descent we noticed a tiny entrance to the right that led into a 2nd chamber. This was a tight little chamber, no more than 4ft tall and 5ft wide. It split off in two directions, one to the right and the other straight ahead. The path to the right led to a good sized chamber that was home to one very fuzzy bat. The other led to another small drop off, that led to, you guessed it, another chamber. How was this even possible? By now we were a good 40ft below ground. We imagined it couldn't possibly go any further.  But no, sure enough, at the center of this 4th chamber, was a small hole that dropped down into yet another chamber. 

The hole that leads to the 5th chamber

The entrance to this 5th chamber is the tightest in the entire cave. Once you squeeze through the hole you must then shimmy down two vertical 8ft slabs of rock before you reach the bottom. If you are claustrophobic in the slightest then this is the endpoint for your adventure. It's tight. Really tight.

"The Shimmy"

After braving our way through "The Shimmy" we followed our way down the narrow slot of the 5th chamber until we finally reached the bottom. Wow. What a remarkable find. It was hard to tell exactly, but we were definitely more than 60ft down in the depths of this cave. Maybe even 100ft. In this final 6th chamber was a damp little register filled with the entries of  people who were insane enough to venture that far into the cave. The first entries go back to the early 2000's. Some had signed the register more than eight times. Some were from Kentucky. Others from Texas. One entry was written by an 11 year old. Crazy.

The Bottom of the Cave, taken on my 3rd visit 03/14/2021

The bottom of this cave is only about 3.5 ft tall. The coloration of the rocks on some of the walls and the ceiling made it look like someones graffiti art. Inside the register was a small electric lantern that, to our surprise, sill worked. It cast a haunting greenish glow as we sat and enjoyed the deafening silence of the chamber. 

Transfixed by the light 

The Greatest Man Alive

Our entry was the first one of that year. And it appeared that we were the only ones that went down there in shirts and ties. Go figure. We turned off our lights, enjoying the sublime experience of sitting in total darkness and complete silence. Time seemed to stop down there. No light, no sound. It was like being dead. 

Climbing back out

This cave is really something special. And we had absolutely no idea that it was there. We stumbled upon it by pure chance. Gotta love it when that happens. It's also amazing to think that it was formed not by wind or water, but by rocks stacked on top of one another. It was a little unnerving knowing that information as we stared at the ceiling that was held in place by the rocks on the sides. But you know, this thing had probably survived thousands of earthquakes in its time. We were safe. Maybe. Best we get out of there while we're still lucky. 

The climb back out was considerably more difficult than the climb back in. Especially figuring out how to climb back through "The Shimmy." That was interesting. Once we made it back to the outside world we reveled in the spaces wide and fresh air. After crouching for a good hour it was nice to finally stretch our legs for a little bit.

Climbing up from the 4th Chamber

Keep in mind that this is a tight cave. If you happen to find it and choose to enter know that you will be crawling and sliding and scooting and crouching for most of the way down. But boy is it worth it. 

From that day forward there have been only a handful of moments that I deemed necessary to don the ceremonial shirt and tie. But seriously, in all honesty, who cares what you wear and why you wear it and where you wear it. Wear whatever you want. Whatever floats your boat. Tickles your fancy. The important thing is to get out there and experience the world! To have a good time, make new friends, share new experiences. You never know what you'll find. It may surprise you.